WIBTA for asking my ex's daughter to stop calling me "dad"?
For seven years, he stepped into a role that transcended biology, becoming a steadfast father figure to a child not his own. Through shared moments and quiet sacrifices, he built a bond that time only deepened, even after the love with her mother had faded. The t*tle of "dad" was never about blood—it was about love, presence, and the commitment he gave to a family that once was.
Now, standing at the crossroads of past and future, he grapples with the delicate balance between honoring that enduring connection and embracing a new life with his fiancée. The echoes of a love once shared, and the tender ties to a girl who still calls him "dad," clash with the hopes and insecurities of a soon-to-be family, weaving a poignant story of loyalty, ident*ty, and the complexities of blended hearts.
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As renowned family therapist and researcher Dr. Michele Weiner Davis explains, ". . . The key to making a marriage last is to prioritize the marriage over the children." This situation centers on the difficult negotiation of established relational roles when a new primary partnership is formed. The poster served as a dedicated father figure for seven years, creating a strong attachment bond with the child, who is now 14 and capable of understanding complex social dynamics, even if she resists the change. The poster’s indifference to the title itself contrasts sharply with the high emotional significance the title holds for both the child (stability) and the fiancée (security in the new marriage). The fiancée is not asking the poster to abandon the child, but to create a clear, non-ambiguous boundary around the role he occupies moving forward, which is appropriate when entering a formal commitment like marriage. The proposed plan to meet with both the ex and the daughter to 'split ties' on the title, while maintaining contact, may unintentionally cause more hurt than a clear, sensitive conversation with the fiancée first. While prioritizing the marriage is correct according to relationship experts, the execution needs care. The poster should explain to the daughter, with empathy, that while his love for her remains, his primary commitment must now shift to his new wife and future children, requiring a change in the title to reflect his new primary role. This honors the relationship while respecting the boundary his future spouse requires.
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The original poster is caught between honoring a deep, long-term emotional bond with his ex-partner's daughter, who views him as a father figure, and respecting the significant discomfort and boundary-setting needs of his fiancée regarding this role. His primary conflict stems from prioritizing his future family unit while simultaneously feeling detached from the significance of the honorific "dad" being used by the teenager.
Given the fiancée's desire to start their own family and her feeling of needing the poster's full focus, is the poster justified in enforcing a change in how the 14-year-old addresses him to eliminate marital friction, even if it means intentionally severing a meaningful, long-established familial title for the child?