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AITA for refusing to financially help my family after they abandoned me even if it means they’ll end up homeless?
Family

AITA for refusing to financially help my family after they abandoned me even if it means they’ll end up homeless?

I feel like this is such a cliché reddit story but I’m really struggling with what to do here so.. I am my mother’s oldest biological child. When I was 5 my father passed away and she remarried my step-‘dad’ when I was 8. When I was 9 I was sent away to live with my father’s sister who lived states away because her husband didn’t want me to live there anymore. They used to pay my aunt some money to watch me but when I was 14 that stopped. My aunt and uncle worked low paying jobs and had two of their own children, so they really couldn’t afford the extra expense of having me around without that help. Despite that, they let me stay and continued to treat me like one of their own. I very rarely saw my mom, I think I saw her 5 times between 9 and 18. She never even called. She went on to have three more children (19M, 18F and 16M) with my stepdad. Growing up I used to stalk my siblings and parents on social media to see what their life was like and it was polar opposite to mine. They regularly went on expensive vacations, lived in a massive house and owned the latest gadgets, etc. I went to college and got married at 23. My mother/siblings have no idea I’m married. I’m currently 28 and doing well financially. My husband and I own our own home, we have several very profitable investments and work high paying jobs. My cousins (30F and 27F) and I all contributed to help my aunt/uncle to finally purchase their own home last year. Recently, my mom showed up to my aunt’s house begging for financial help. Apparently, my stepdad suffered from a gambling addiction a few years ago and lost all their savings. Now with COVID he’s lost his job and they can’t afford to keep their house without help. My aunt explained she didn’t have any money to help her and when my mother demanded to know how she could afford her new house if she had no money, she explained what me and my cousins had done. My mom then asked for my number. When she called me and explained the situation. I told her I couldn’t help. She kept begging me and claimed my siblings would be made homeless if I didn’t help them. I told her maybe she should sell some of their fancy stuff or they could all get jobs like my cousins and I had to. I hung up before she could reply. Since then I have been receiving message after message from my mom, my siblings and even my stepdad begging me for help. I have NEVER spoken to my siblings in my life. They’ve begun harassing my husband and my SIL. They’ve also reached out to my aunt and cousins multiple times trying to get them to convince me to change my mind. I’m SO angry with them all. They threw me away and when they need something, they come crawling back? But the guilt is also starting to set in an I don’t know if I’m being an asshole. Am I?

Anya Petrova
Peed my pants. My bf wouldn’t help me
Advice

Peed my pants. My bf wouldn’t help me

So I had a vaginal birth nearly three years ago and since then I’ve had stress incontinence. Today, I was in class and I was taking an exam. I had to pee so bad but couldn’t leave until it was done. When I finally finished, I peed my pants and it leaked as I went to the bathroom. I refused to leave the bathroom until I had another outfit and my bf refused to help me. I asked him to buy sweats from the uni gift shop and he refused at first until I sent him money for them (I asked to borrow). He then said he wanted me to walk to the restroom door and I said my pants are covered in pee there’s no I can do that and he said he’s not walking into the women’s restroom. I told him to hand it to a girl walking in and he wouldn’t. He eventually left them outside the door to the restroom and I had to walk out in pee pants. I’m furious with him. Do I have a right to be?

Luca Moretti
AITA for tipping our waitress 20 dollars despite her poor service, because my date was playing a "game" with her tips?
Advice

AITA for tipping our waitress 20 dollars despite her poor service, because my date was playing a "game" with her tips?

I met a guy on a dating app, we hit it off and we arranged for our first date. Things were going well, we had sat down and had started some small chat. Our waitress comes over asking us what we want to order. I say what I want and gesture to him so he can order. He orders and then pulls what I think is about 15 dollars on the table. He says "This is your tip. Everytime you mess up, I take some away". The waitress looked nervous immediately. I'm sitting there a bit shocked, but mostly embarrassed because I wasn't expecting this. She must have been new as well, because she did spill some drinks on our table that night, gave us the wrong food, and overall just seemed lost. He took away 13 dollars. I asked him why he thought doing tips this way was a good idea. He said it was the best way to ensure "good service". When I disagreed he said "Cant always be nice to these people, it's not a respectable job". I decided then that I wanted nothing to do with him, and called the waitress over to get the bill. I slapped a 20 dollar bill in her hand and got up to pay for my own meal. Later that night he had demanded to know why I had given her the tip despite her poor service and I told him it's because he decided to treat her livelihood like it was a game. He said because of me she'll never improve her service and that I'm just a people pleaser. I blocked him, but I've wondered ever since if that was really the right thing to do. AITA?

Elise Dubois
AITA for yelling at my wife for being unhelpful while I took our son to the ER for a broken arm?
Advice

AITA for yelling at my wife for being unhelpful while I took our son to the ER for a broken arm?

My wife (33F) is a SAHM with our son (4M) and we also have a daughter (6F) in school. Last Friday I get a frantic call from my wife around noon that our son fell off the top bunk while she wasn’t looking and now his arm looks really really swollen. So I find him crying and holding an incredibly swollen, red arm sitting on the ground and refuses to let anyone touch it. My wife is sitting on the couch crying and saying how his arm looks so bad. I pick him up to go to the emergency room. I try to dress him since he can’t open his arms and ask her to get the car seat ready. She doesn’t move and keeps crying. I give up and do the best I can and call for my wife to get in...she just sobs and shakes her head saying “I can’t I can’t.” So I drive off without her. I got really annoyed at my wife at this point. We get to the hospital and they want to run him through some X-rays and he’s screaming bloody murder. Around 3pm I get a call from my daughter’s school saying that no one’s picked her up (my wife’s job) so I call my wife. No one picks up. I call 3-4 more times before I rush out to the school. My son was inconsolable at me leaving him. Even the doctors were confused why I had to leave so soon. I get home with my daughter and rush in to find my wife STILL CRYING on the phone to her sister. I absolutely let loose and yelled “where the FUCK were you??? Why didn’t you answer my calls?” She’s shocked and just screams at me back that she’s overwhelmed and can’t handle all this right now. I get our daughter out and tell my wife to look after her. My daughter is crying because mom’s crying and hangs on to my legs wanting to go with me. My wife makes no move to help me so I just ended up bringing our daughter with me to the hospital. The next day while our kids were both sleeping I couldn’t hold back and yelled at my wife for being absolutely zero help. She got equally mad and told me I humiliated her in front of her sister (when I yelled when she was on the phone) and that I should’ve been more considerate of the fact that she is really bad in emergencies. While I know she’s not great in emergencies, this was something else and I felt like I didn’t have a partner at all. Now she wants an emergency couples counseling session to “address my rage” but I am honestly conflicted. I’ve never yelled at her before and I do feel guilty but I also feel like these circumstances were extreme. However I did apologize for yelling and wonder if I made things worse. AITA?

Jonas Bergström
AITA for helping my girlfriend’s maid clean?
Advice

AITA for helping my girlfriend’s maid clean?

I’m visiting my girlfriend’s family for the first time and they’re kind of rich. They have a maid who comes and tidies up for a bit every day. My family isn’t broke, but we’ve never had people working for us, and it made me super uncomfortable. Like, who am I to have someone serving me and cleaning around me while I sit there? I can’t imagine if my mom were witnessing that. She’d flip. So I got up and started to help her tidy up. She thanked me for the help and told me I really didn’t have to worry about it, but I told her it was no trouble (it really wasn’t, we were just sitting watching TV.) Later that night my girlfriend’s parents asked me not to help the maid clean because it was a boundary thing and her work was her work and guests are guests. I told them it made me really uncomfortable to have someone clean around me and they just said not to worry because she’s paid well and has been with them a long time. The next day it happened again and it made me so uncomfortable I said “hey let’s go outside” to my girlfriend but she was busy on her laptop. So eventually I couldn’t help it, I had to jump up and help her out. Her parents walked in and looked pissed and my girlfriend finally clued in and ushered me outside. I’m still so confused by the situation. I’m not sure if I was in the wrong for helping her clean or if I’m in the wrong now for not helping her. My instinct is to help, but when I do people get pissed, so, if you understand the dynamic better than me, please clear this up. Am I the asshole for helping her clean?

Clara Jensen
AITA for not helping my husband babysit?
Advice

AITA for not helping my husband babysit?

I never wanted kids. The idea of family is very suffocating to me and I was never willing to date a man with children. When i met my husband he said he didn't have any and didn't want any. A year later when he was drinking he admitted that he had gotten his high school girlfriend pregnant when they were both 18 and begged her to abort but she hadn't wanted to so he had a son who he had never met and he had signed away his parental rights. I was annoyed that he lied but I 100% believe that men have the right to walk away. When my stepson was sixteen his mother passed away and he found my husband's contact information from an old friend. I completely supported my husband taking him and stepping up, and I actually really liked him. We have a good friendship, but obviously he doesn't view me as a parent. He married the most annoying woman ever and they have three children. He recently asked if we would be able to babysit overnight so they could go to a wedding. My husband agreed and I reminded everyone I don't babysit. My husband said it would be fine and I didn't need to help. Well that lasted about ten minutes, because my husband does not know what to do with children and was begging for me to help. His DIL gave him a list of rules and things they aren't allowed to eat, so he was in a pissy mood over that and once the kids actually started running around and making noise he couldn't handle it and expected me to step in. Well I didn't. I'm actually a terrible person and let them have water guns, so my husband ended up throwing a tantrum and locking himself in the bedroom. I did make sure the children didn't die, but like I stated to everyone involved, I do not babysit. They got into food they weren't supposed to have (no allergies) and didn't sleep at all, but they are alive. DIL is furious with me, because I'm the woman and I am apparently responsible, and my husband is off sulking.

Elise Dubois
AITA for refusing to help my daughter with her car payment because she is a stripper?
Advice

AITA for refusing to help my daughter with her car payment because she is a stripper?

I 47m have a 22 year old daughter. She’s in college and lives on campus. I agreed to help her make car payments, since she was in school. I was recently informed by a young man I work with that my daughter strips at a club about 40 minutes away. I confronted her on this and she said she didn’t plan to do it after she graduated, and she needed some money. I told her then work at McDonalds, not use her body. We got into an argument, and i asked her to quit stripping and get a decent job then. She refused and said stripping was easy money, so basically I said there was no need for me to pay her car payment anymore since she is making money so easily. She got upset and said that wasn’t fair, and that she doesn’t make enough for that. I told her to figure it out. She told my wife about what happened, and my wife is upset by her job of choice but says it’s unfair for me to stop supporting her so suddenly over an argument. I think it’s perfectly fair, it’s my money and my decision when to cut it off.

Jonas Bergström
AITA for wanting to go to the funeral of a girl that I helped get addicted to drugs?
Advice

AITA for wanting to go to the funeral of a girl that I helped get addicted to drugs?

I’m 26 and clean from heroin for 3 years. I was also a piece of shit and used to deal for a while. I managed to get with a beautiful girl named Marcy when I first started getting into the thick of things. She knew who I was but she said she loved me. I will regret this for the rest of my life, but I was the person who shot up Marcy for the first time. After that, there was no stopping her. She stuck around with me, probably because I was her dealer more than anything, but then I got clean and never saw her again for a long time. A year ago she reached out to me on Facebook and told me that she had been clean for a few months and she said that she didn’t hate me for what happened and she hoped I was still clean. Last week I got a call from my sister who told me that she saw on Facebook that Marcy had OD’d and there was a funeral service this upcoming Thursday. I immediately just burst into tears because I hoped that this would never happen and I feel so much guilt over it. I want to go to the funeral service for her but I’m afraid that my presence would be unwanted. At the most I would just slip in the back, pay my respects and leave. I need to do this for myself. AITA for wanting to go?

Clara Jensen
AITA for refusing to return a tip AND telling a couple that I dont have time to play mediator?
Advice

AITA for refusing to return a tip AND telling a couple that I dont have time to play mediator?

I'm a 22 year old, female waitress at Texas Roadhouse. This is one of my two jobs to put myself through college. Most days are fine but other days are a living hell. Yesterday I was assigned a table that had a husband, wife and what appeared to be a teenage daughter (maybe 17). Everything was going smooth at first and the wife ordered a margarita. The husband then tried ordering a beer. The wife instantly lost her noodles and said "Uh, no. He will not have a beer. He will have a water." She then turned to him and said something along the lines of him not needing to drink because he was driving. He said no, the daughter could drive. It was childish. Anyways, he keeps telling me he wants a beer. She keeps telling me no. In this industry, situations like this are a lose/lose for waitresses. If I get him the beer, wife wont tip. If I dont get him the beer, he wont tip. Damned if I do, damned if I dont. So while they were arguing AT me, I said "Listen, I really dont have time to play mediator here." They went silent. I went and got both of them their alcohol. Daughter gives me an apologetic look upon my return, presumably because her mother was acting bat shit crazy upon seeing me bring a beer in tow. Flash forward to after their meals. Husband has had 2 beers at this point. Wife has stopped drinking and glares at me everytime I return. Wife and daughter go to the car while husband pays. Husband drops me a $40 tip on a $68 tab. I told him I couldnt accept it. He insisted. Eventually I pocketed it. Wife comes in an hour or so later demanding that I give her the $40 her husband gave me, stating that I was a terrible host and went against her and I dknt deserve a tip. She got my manager involved who said "She is not obligated to give you her tip. You left the restaurant and the tip has already been processed. Have a nice night." She was fuming, screaming at me about how much of an AH I was for supplying her husband alcohol after she said no. Other guests started chiming in saying that she was being ignorant and that I was doing my job, which is to provide guests with what they want and said that it wasnt MY fault that she was a controlling wife. She storms out. Given the fact that I was put on the spot like that, I feel insanely guilty. AITA?

Elise Dubois
AITA for telling my to be granddaughter in law some lewd advice after my family asked for some ‘grandmotherly wisdom’?
Family

AITA for telling my to be granddaughter in law some lewd advice after my family asked for some ‘grandmotherly wisdom’?

My good friend Gracie made me aware a few weeks ago of a phrase that made both of us laugh til we were sore, a dirty phrase which is ‘the key to a successful marriage is to keep a mans stomach full and balls empty’. Both of us are in our 70’s and jovial and sprightly if I may say so. I liked the phrase – it was funny, and it stuck around in my mind. My family are aware I have a filthy sense of humor and I do like to laugh. My eldest grandson is in his 30’s and recently proposed to his fiancée, they made us aware over it via a family FaceTime session. It was very sweet and everyone was in good spirits, drinking, etc. My granddaughter and daughter pushed me to say a few words in the way of advice, but frankly I wouldn’t know, and I’m not one to give advice anyway. my grandsons fiancée said no no, give us some wisdom! So I said the phrase and the only people who burst out laughing were my grandson and his fiancée. Everyone else looked mortified and my granddaughter immediately started berating me. I told my friends this and they think it wasn’t a big deal but my granddaughter and daughter have texted to say I was inappropriate and ruined a moment.

Anya Petrova
AITA for refusing to help my partner financially?
Advice

AITA for refusing to help my partner financially?

I(43F) have been with my partner(50M) for 6 years now. We have been living together for 5 of them. We are not married and we do not plan to marry in the future. I have a son(19M) that is currently a highschool senior. My partner has a daughter(21F) who is going to college. The background you need to understand the issue: when I met my partner I was a widow of 3 years. I am lucky enough to have a very lucrative business and some family money. Also my late husband left a substantial estate, including the house we live in. The house is a family home so it passed to my son as the only heir. My partner also makes good money and the difference in our lifestyles was pretty much negligible. But while I and my late husband made sure to not spoil our son (he was responsible for keeping his room clean even though we have a house keeper, he had chores during the weekends, we taught him how to cook, his allowance is reasonable, he has to save for expensive purchases like a car, a PS5...etc). My current partner and his ex-wife spoil their daughter rotten. Due to an incident when we first moved in together (she demanded my son's bedroom since it was the second biggest, got rejected since it was his home and she only spends the weekend), and after some family therapy we agreed that she will be treated like a guest by me. She will have to follow the house rules and that it the extent of our relationship. Now while she is spoiled she is a good girl, academically excellent, except for the aforementioned incident very respectful and just a pleasant young woman. The probelm is that I did not know the extent to which my partner spent money on her. He pays some money as "rent" that I put into my son's college fund and we split the common bills in half. Everything else is our own responsibility so we don't know much about each other's finances. Now my son is planning to do a tour of east Asia during the summer and I was happy to give him the money to do so (as a gift for getting into a very prestigious college). When my stepdaughter heard about it she asked her dad to pay for a tour of Europe since he didn't send her on one after she got into college. He agreed because he never says no, but he came to me asking me to lend him close to $30k because he can't afford the trip on his own. I am not even giving that much to my son and his plane tickets are more expensive. I refused. I said that since this wasn't an emergency he can save and send her on the trip after she graduates college. Now he is not talking to me, saying that I am chosing favourites (I have no relationship with his daughter so I don't know how that even is applicable) and that I am putting money over his happiness and relationship with his daughter. So AITA? I can easily afford to lend him the full amount I just don't want to, because his reasons are not convincing enough.

Elise Dubois
META At any point, the advice you're reading could be coming from someone too young to sign up for social media without parental permissions.
Advice

META At any point, the advice you're reading could be coming from someone too young to sign up for social media without parental permissions.

This seems like a really weird meta post, but I just wanted to warn people that Captain Sparklez, a YouTuber with a high child/teenager viewer base, spent almost a whole Trails episode talking about this sub. It's bound to get us some new subscribers and bring up that young sub number. It seems like it's good for people to remember that at any point the advice they are reading regarding their 20 year marriage might just be coming from someone who isn't even old enough to buy a drink, or shave. The thought of marriages and careers and lives being changed all because a 15 year old with no life experience told you to "get out" is actually incredibly scary to me. This isn't to say no 15 year old is ever going to have good advice. Honestly I knew a lot of teenagers who were more adult than any of the 30 years olds I know to this day. But it is still incredibly important to remember your advice and judgement might be coming from a high schooler. Take everything you read here with about a pound of salt, a single grain won't do it. I *am* the asshole, I already know this, but being the asshole doesn't always mean you're wrong. Sorry, teenagers, but I kind of wish we could give you flair to make it easier to tell if advice is coming from an adult or a child. I wouldn't outright ignore a child's advice, but I would also be looking at their advice differently if I knew their lack of life experience. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Just be careful everyone. And please remember this is a judgement sub, not an advice sub. This doesn't mean we can't give advice, but keep in mind "sub dedicated to helping others" is going to bring in a very different subscriber demographic than "sub dedicated to calling other people assholes." I just don't want to see lives ruined over this sub.

Clara Jensen
AITA For calling my co-worker "chunky" after she repeatedly calls me "slim" and makes references to my weight after I asked her multiple times not to.
Advice

AITA For calling my co-worker "chunky" after she repeatedly calls me "slim" and makes references to my weight after I asked her multiple times not to.

I have a female co-worker who repeatedly calls me out regarding my weight. I'm female 5'9" 115lbs and very thin. She is very overweight. All the time she makes comments about my weight. She doesn't call me by name she calls me "slim" and I even heard her say one time "go ask toothpick" and she has said stuff like "you need some meat on your bones" & "you need to eat". I have only worked there 8 days. I have asked her very nicely to stop. Yesterday I asked her to stop calling me slim again and she basically said it's her mouth and she can say what she wants. Today when she said "morning slim" I replied "morning chunky" and she got upset and actually started crying. Everybody here at work, (only 6 of us total) is saying I'm wrong and I should apologize because being called fat is "different" than being called skinny because being called skinny is a "compliment". I said as long as she calls me slim, I will call her chunky and now I'm the bad person. AITA if I don't apologize? The owner/manager has completely ignored the situation saying it's "a high school issue and we should figure it out". EDIT FOR MORE INFO: We don't have HR. There's only 6 of us working here (cupcake shop). We are all regular employees. I went to the owner BEFORE I called her chunky and I asked him to talk to her because I felt she was harassing me. That's when he said we can handle it ourselves. That's why I called her chunky. I told her to stop calling me slim and I didn't like it and she continued to do it. She didn't stop doing it after I asked multiple times and I didn't know what to do besides what she was doing to me. She brought up my weight, I brought up her's.

Luca Moretti
Staff forgot about us, I didn’t tip
Advice

Staff forgot about us, I didn’t tip

Wife and I went to a nice place for a celebratory dinner. The bill was ~$200. The hostess showed us to our table, then the server brought us water and took our drink order. The place was pretty quiet, with may 8-10 other patrons. 15 minutes went by, so I went to try to find our server. I didn’t see her but mentioned to the hostess that we were ready to order if she could find our server. Fast forward 10 more minutes, I went back up to the front desk and found our server and the hostess both scrolling on their phones in silence. I said “Excuse me, we are ready to order when you’re ready.” They both jumped out of their skin and tucked their phones away. The server came and took our order and the night proceeded normally after that. Given that we waited 25 minutes to order our food (also didn’t get our drinks until after we ordered food), and I know what the server was actually doing in the mean time, I decided not to tip.

Elise Dubois
AITA for not tipping because my waiter didn’t “wait” on me?
Advice

AITA for not tipping because my waiter didn’t “wait” on me?

I went to a sit-down restaurant last night, and my waiter (let’s call him Brad) took my order… and then disappeared. Didn’t check in, didn’t refill my drink, didn’t even bring my food—some random food runner did. Then, when the check came, Brad magically reappeared, circled the “suggested tip,” and gave me a big smile like we’d been through something together. My guy, what am I tipping for? You didn’t wait on me—you just took my order and vanished like a part-time magician. So, I left no tip. Now my friends are calling me an AH because “that’s just how restaurants work.” AITA?

Luca Moretti
AITA for helping my friend get a girl removed from the soccer team?
Advice

AITA for helping my friend get a girl removed from the soccer team?

I (16f) have a friend named Aysha (15f). Aysha is Muslim and wears a hijab to school which often causes people to give her dirty looks, comments, etc. I don’t know why. It’s just cloth. Anyway the worst instance possible was with this girl named Megan (also 15f). When we were sitting together at lunch she came up to Aysha and I and told Aysha she dared her to take her hijab off, taunting her saying she would look so pretty without it. (This was with malicious intent because I told her one time thinking she was just clueless and wanted to educate her) Then she forcibly tried to remove her hijab. I moved her hand away and we went to the principal. Instead of getting a punishment, Megan made up a sob story about how it would harm her position on some prestigious soccer club she was in. Fast forward to a few days ago. She makes a TikTok that said “when you get called to the principals office for telling the Muslim girl to take off her durag”. I was so livid for her. Aysha is very shy and didn’t want to seem like a buzzkill, so she asked me personally to email the soccer organization. Well, I did, and she was immediately kicked off and other organizations in the area were notified of her behavior. Now, all of her friends are in my dms saying how horrible I am, how I’m a retard, how I need to take a joke, etc. my parents think I should have stayed out of it. But I think I did the right thing.

Elise Dubois