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UPDATE: WIBTA to divorce my wife after she said she wanted to send our son to a conversion camp?
WIBTA

UPDATE: WIBTA to divorce my wife after she said she wanted to send our son to a conversion camp?

**UPDATE: WIBTA to divorce my wife after she said she wanted to send our son to a conversion camp?** So first of all I’d like to thank everyone here for all the help and advice I’ve gotten under my post and in dms, sorry if I couldn’t answer to everyone there was just too many fucking people lol. So I posted something about my wife wanting to send my son to a conversion camp two days ago. First of all some people told me to show her videos and documentaries about what happens there, but this argument has been ongoing for more than a week now, I've showed her things and she won’t budge. Really bad update if I can be honest, so let’s get into it. All of you told me to try to get him out asap (yall were definitely right) so yesterday I took the day off and went to see an attorney just to get some info about divorce etc. But after what happened I’m 100% sure I want a divorce ASAP. Yesterday I went to pick Noah at his school and as many of you suggested we had a long discussion. I basically told him his mom and I may be getting a divorce because she wants to send him to a conversion camp but I can’t accept that. I’ve talked with her many times and I told him I’ll probably go through with it. He looked really hurt (my heart broke all over again) but was very understanding and thanked me for standing up for him. I pulled him into a tight hug and told him I’ll always love him no matter what and that nothings his fault. At that moment he started crying because he was so glad at least I was on his side. And I’m very pissed so sorry if I don’t make sense but apparently his mom had been pressuring him for months. She planned dates with girls to try and “fix” him and he had to lie by saying he was going at a friend’s instead. She was saying he needs help and as much as she loves him he needs to get his “condition” cured (???????) etc. I feel so bad because I’ve been so oblivious to all that and I’ve failed to protect him for all that time. How do you make your 16yo son go through that?? So when we got home yesterday I can’t lie I was furious and confronted her right there and then. At first she was trying to explain she was doing it for him but her speech quickly turned to slurs and it was clear she was just ashamed of having a gay son. In the end I told her I went to see an attorney and that learning all that just confirmed that I want a divorce. She got really angry, calling me a delusional disgrace we argued a lot and at some point Noah tried to separate us but my wife punched him multiple times???? She was saying disgusting things like he is a dirty fagg\*t and that it’s all his fault we’re getting divorced because his filth corrupted me. My daughter who was prob in her room came to see what all that commotion was about and was rightfully horrified and quickly called 911 when I told her to. Long story short the cops got there and took her away (she was very reluctant to go because she was ‘not in the wrong’ and they needed to let her go). I explained everything to my daughter and she doesn’t want anything to do with her mom anymore. Rn I’m in the hospital because my stb ex wife broke my rib while I was restraining her, I should’ve probably went as soon as the cops took her but idc my son was crying, with a black eye and split lip (they are checking for any concussion) and obviously the only thing I cared about was to comfort him because I can’t even imagine what it can feel like being beaten by your mom for being gay. I’m planning to file for full custody ofc and my kids don’t want to see her ever again anyway. Given all the charges she’s facing I hope she won’t stand a chance against me. I just sent a mail to my attorney and I hope the procedures will be fast. I’ve also thought of getting CPS involved but I’m not sure they will rly help Like I cannot understand how you can grown so resentful of your own kid because of something they can't control. Even I had pretty strong opinions about it, but as a father it is my role to unconditionnally love my kids and so I learnt about the topic and changed my way of seeing the world for him. It took some time grasping it but I never doubted one sec the love I have for my child. I thought it was the same for my wife. Visibly not

Clara Jensen
WIBTA for refusing to stop cooking bacon in my kitchen due to my teenage daughters vegan lifestyle?
WIBTA

WIBTA for refusing to stop cooking bacon in my kitchen due to my teenage daughters vegan lifestyle?

Dad here, old fart, loves his daughter to pieces but I’m struggling to see eye to eye with my teenager and wife on this one. We’ve always been a meat eating family, we live in the rural Midwest and bacon for breakfast is pretty much a given. This year my 14 y/o daughter decided to go vegan, and I jumped onto her support team with enthusiasm. We learned how to substitute ingredients, cook new things, try new things, I adjusted our budget to include more expensive vegan substitutes for her, etc. None of this has been a problem for me until recently. She saw me cook bacon in a pan, and then I rinsed it out to load in the dishwasher. She exploded in anger (teen years, I’m not too fussed about the anger explosion, I know she doesn’t mean it) and said that that was HER pan for vegan food. I was completely floored and said, kiddo this here is a family pan, older than you, it’s not YOUR pan. She asked me to purchase her a pan that she can solely use for vegan food. I didn’t want her to feel weird about food, so I said sure, and ordered her a few colored ones that are only for her. The reason they’re colored is so it helps me remember that I’m not to touch them unless I’m cooking vegan. That wasn’t good enough. Now apparently the dishwasher is ‘contaminated’ with animal product, and the fridge has ‘bacon grease fingers’ on it (because I eat bacon and then touch the fridge) and she’s asked me and her mom to completely stop eating meat at home. I don’t mean I literally touch the fridge with greasy bacon hands, because I wash my hands, but it’s clearly enough that it upsets my daughter. frankly I’m on team hell no, her mom is much more amenable and strongly wants me to consider taking our daughter up on the request. My wife’s reasoning is that both our parents live close so we can eat meat products there, and that she doesn’t want our daughter to feel uncomfortable in the kitchen. My daughter says she is fine with cheese and butter in the fridge, but it’s specifically meat products that make her feel sick. Now I’m sorry for her, but I feel like she just needs to adapt and live side by side, because I’m not going to stop eating bacon in my own house.

Luca Moretti
WIBTA if I gave my neighbor the rest of his cigarette butts back?
WIBTA

WIBTA if I gave my neighbor the rest of his cigarette butts back?

I came back from a 6 week vacation, only to find my flower garden has been littered with cigarette butts. They all came from my neighbor. He's the only one that still smokes. I went to his house and politely asked him if he could clean them up. He told me to fuck off and then slammed the door in my face. Since everything was mixed in with the mulch, I had to get on my hands and knees and pick everything out by hand. Fucking 47 cigarette butts! I've been mailing them back to him one by one, with a simple note "don't be an ass, pick up your trash." I've sent 26 so far. his wife just came to my house and talked to my wife, she made a peace treaty she apologized on behalf of her husband. My wife is furious with the amount of pettiness that I have displayed, and told me that I need to stop. I don't know if I can, I feel like I'm emotionally invested in this now. I mean he sent his wife to apologize to my wife. He didn't even have the decency to apologize to me man to man.

Clara Jensen
WIBTA if I called off my wedding because my fiance does not want my son to bring his boyfriend to the wedding?
WIBTA

WIBTA if I called off my wedding because my fiance does not want my son to bring his boyfriend to the wedding?

My son was born when I was only 15 years old, and I’ve been a single dad since I was 18. It was hard living for a long time money-wise but I always tried to do best by my son. Today I own my own gym and my son is now 22 and going to college and works at my gym full-time. He came out to me when he was 14 years old and I’ve always been supportive of him and his identity. I’ve been with my fiancé now for about 2 years and while she does come from a very deep religious and conservative family, she has never had any issue with my son – at least nothing she has ever expressed to me. My son has been dating his boyfriend since he was 18 and I’ve gotten to know him really well. However my fiancé told me recently that she does not want my son’s boyfriend to come to the wedding nor does she want her parents to even get the inclination that my son is gay. That if they found out, they would have a complete fit. This really bothered me because I refuse to ask my son to go back in the closet. What is going to happen in the future? When my son gets married himself? Will they want him and his husband barred from other family events? He’s my son and will be the best man and it would be unfair to deny him a plus one because her family has an issue with gay people. When I told her this, she got very angry with me and told me that I was being selfish and over-dramatic – that it would just be for this one day, that she wants the perfect wedding. I told her that this was unacceptable and that I was not going to ask my son not to bring his boyfriend. It’s my wedding too and I was his boyfriend there. After that I got the silent treatment for a day and since then it hasn’t been discussed again. However, it has left an extremely bad taste in my mouth and has me contemplating calling the wedding off. I do not want to marry into a family that would potentially discriminate against my son. I love my fiance very much but my son will always come first. I told my brother and he said that I was being the asshole here – that it would just be for one day and that since my son is an adult, it’s unlikely that he would have that much interaction with his “step grandparents” in the future anyway. I still don’t feel comfortable about the entire situation and am really thinking about calling the wedding off. Would I be the asshole if I did this? Am I being unreasonable here?

Elise Dubois
WIBTA if I go on vacation instead of my brothers wedding?
WIBTA

WIBTA if I go on vacation instead of my brothers wedding?

My brother Tom (36m) and I (26f) have never had a really solid relationship, due to our age gap we didn't spend much time and by the time I was old enough to develop a personality he was moved out of the house. For the last two years my brother and his fiance Sarah (32f) have been planning their wedding. And it's coming up in September. I was asked to be a bridesmaid. I figured i was only asked as a courtesy since I'm her soon to be sister in law but I still took it seriously. I have been a bridesmaid for the last two years. Just a few weeks ago I managed to save up to buy the 800 dollar bridesmaid dress. Over all in the last two years between group outings to parties, dinners, lunches, clothes, etc… I spent thousands of dollars. Eventually all the girls in the wedding and I became extremely close and I started to get hyped for the wedding. Sarah recently got close with her brother's wife Becky (30f). Last week she dropped the ball on me that she no longer wants me to be a bridesmaid and she would prefer if Becky would take my place. It broke my heart a little but it's her wedding and it's not my place to tell her how to run it so I said it was fine. Yesterday I went to my brother's house to pick up the bridesmaid's dress, and was going to see if I could return it since it was within the time frame. Sarah was completely appalled and said that Becky was going to wear it since she and I are the same size. I said that would be fine, but they would have to pay me the 800 for it. Sarah said that Becky couldn't afford and I should just be nice and let her use it and said that I could keep it after the wedding. I explained that I'm not just giving away the dress, and I'm not ever going to use it after the wedding. After some bickering back and forth I just ended up taking it and leaving. My brother and Sarah tried to compromise with me, and say I could be "the assistant flower girl" and I felt offended at the offer. After I said no, they then said that Becky could give me 250 bucks for it. Again no and I returned the dress and got a full refund. I told them I understand that it's their wedding but they are being extremely disrespectful to me and I don't need to deal with it and I'm not going to the wedding. Today my coworker says she has an extra round trip plane ticket to go to Miami that she'll sell to me for half price plus I would have to pay for half the hotel and I can go hang out with her in Florida. The only downside is that I'll be in Florida for the week of my brother's wedding. So will I be the asshole if I just go party in miami instead of going to my brother's wedding?

Luca Moretti
WIBTA if I refused to attend my cousins wedding after she asked me to dye my ginger hair?
WIBTA

WIBTA if I refused to attend my cousins wedding after she asked me to dye my ginger hair?

Yes I'm aware that my cousin posted here and oh the irony as i showed her this sub last year, but I really don't care if she sees this, maybe it'll hammer the point home. And I doubt she will see it as they are currently on their pre wedding honeymoon, legit didn't even know those were a thing. So Amy is getting married, she has a blue and green and purple theme for the wedding. People are supposed to wear these colours including the moh and the bridesmaids. What irked me about that post was that my hair is NOT FLAMING MERIDA RED. maybe slightly more [ginger] (https://ibb.co/w4yrCCk) in low light This whole thing is completely insane to me and I have no idea where it has come from. My [hair](https://ibb.co/y4dKsCZ) [2] (https://ibb.co/3BVPgBf) [3](https://ibb.co/MD1V7NH) is what i would describe as strawberry blonde, maybe ginger blonde. Those are actual picture's of my hair not some poor stranger's instagram. Things have been awkward from the start with Amy demanding that everyone has to stick to this dress code or they will be barred by security at the damn door. She has also asked anyone with hair past their waist to cut it in a Facebook post but it got no replies and I can't think of anyone except me and maybe my sister with suoer long hair. My mum and dad are both way more ginger than me and my sister who is 8 months pregnants hair is not much shorter than mine and is super ginger, and Amy never asked her to touch her hair? if anything I got the dull hair geane. At first Amy called up to tell me she had made a post here, I took a look and had to laugh to be honest, She linked me early on clealry thinking people would agree with her but she said she was worried because it blew up. After things went south she decided to try and "negotiate" with me, still completely bizzare as my hair is not merida red. My mum and dad called round a few days back to talk about it but got absolutely nowhere with her as she's still insisting i dye my hair a dark brown for the day or get a wig. My aunt, Amy's mom called to apologise to me and asked me to please come but I don't feel welcome, can you imagine attending a wedding where the bride stares daggers at you the whole time? and what if the security refuse to let me in. [these](https://www.frenchnovelty.com/sean-couture-peacock-corset-back-ball-gown-prom-dress-70567) are extremely similar to the gowns the bridesmaids are going to wear, I've tired mine on and it absolutely dose not clash at all. I brought and paid for my dress so I don't owe her anything but our families are so upset that I'm dropping out. But if I go I have no choice except to dye my hair as there never was a compromise or middle ground, it was dye it, buy a short brown bob wig or don't come. She specified it has to be a short brown bob wig for some reason. WIBTA if I just say fuck it and stay home. EDIT also to be fair i dyed a small strand underneath to test how it washed out 4 weeks ago, it is STILL DARK BROWN

Clara Jensen
WIBTA for asking my ex's daughter to stop calling me "dad"?
WIBTA

WIBTA for asking my ex's daughter to stop calling me "dad"?

I was with my ex for seven years. At the time she had a 2-year old, and when we split, her daughter was 9 years old. She called me dad pretty quickly, plus we all lived together. I thought we'd become a family proper through marriage eventually but obviously things didn't pan out and we split. It was amicable and we're still friends. Her daughter is 14 now and still calls me dad. My ex hasn't started dating again but I'm engaged to my soon-to-be-wife. We all get along but my fiancee doesn't like that kiddo calls me dad. I'm not her dad, biologically or otherwise, but I was a father figure for seven years (and even beyond this, I still kept involved in her life). My fiancee wants me to put the kibosh on this because it makes her uncomfortable. We want to start a family of our own soon and my fiancee wants my undivided attention on our child. I can see her point and where she's coming from although I'm indifferent to the whole dad situation: if she calls me dad, whatever, and if she doesn't, then also whatever. I'm not her dad but it's ultimately not up to me or my ex or my fiancee what she calls me, it's up to her. But I must relent to my fiancee's wishes because my family should be prioritized, right? I'm going to have a sitdown with my ex and her daughter and split ties to focus on my own family. But would I be the arsehole? I'd still maintain contact because I'm very much still connected to my ex and her daughter, I just want the "dad" to stop to avoid friction with my eventual wife.

Clara Jensen
WIBTA if I change my wifi password, making it impossible for a kid to not be able to attend her classes?
WIBTA

WIBTA if I change my wifi password, making it impossible for a kid to not be able to attend her classes?

EDIT - To the people who have crossposted this to r/amitheangel and the people calling me racist because the name of the girl is Shanaya, let this be a PSA to you that NOT EVERYONE ON THIS SITE IS AMERICAN. We live in India, Shanaya is an Indian name. I am ALSO Indian. I did not "pick a black sounding name to make this post sound racist" or whatever nonsense people on r/amitheangel are spewing and DMing me about. Surprise surprise! People of other ethnicities, religions and nationalities exist, we have names that are not Christian or white sounding, not everyone in this world is John or Kristen or Micheal or whatever. I don't care if you think this post is fake, but to assume that just because here is a name you are not familiar with you think I am bound to be racist, it makes you racist yourself. ​ I live in a not so well off area. I am not well of by any means, but I have a wifi connection. My wifi has a 4 device limit, its the cheapest plan they have. My neighbours have a 12 year old daughter who has to attend online classes, I know her well because she comes over fairly often to hang out with my daughter as they are friends. Her name is Shanaya. Shanaya's parents told her they cannot afford wifi, so she asked me if she can use mine. I agreed, and said the only condition was that she has to study hella hard and do her best. She agreed and has been using it for a while. Over the past 2 months, I have been finding it hard to use my wifi. The web portal for the wifi says 4 devices are constantly connected to it when all I am using is my phone and my daughter is using her laptop. Sometimes, my daughter can't connect to her own classes and uses data. I asked Shanaya about it last week, and she said her parents forced her to tell them the password and that they have been using it. I went and spoke to her parents about it, and said that it is only for her to be able to attend classes. They said they will stop using it. But over the week, 4 times my daughters classes got interrupted because there were multiple devices trying to use it. Yesterday, Shanaya told me that our other neighbors also have the password and are also using it, that her parents gave it to them. I went and warned her parents again, said I will change the password, but they made false promises again and shut their door. I changed the password and gave shanaya the new one, but her parents forced it out of her again. My daughters education needs to take priority, her classes are important. I can't let her education take a backseat, but if I change it again and not give shanaya the password, her education will get affected. WIBTA if I change the password and not tell Shanaya? ​ ​

Luca Moretti
WIBTA for spraying some kid with my garden hose daily after he walks all over our lawn
WIBTA

WIBTA for spraying some kid with my garden hose daily after he walks all over our lawn

I (37M) live with my wife (37F) and son and daughter ( 9 and 11 respectively). Recently, there has been this kid who comes by our house after playing soccer and either rides his bike or walks over the lawn with his cleats on his way home. It started out as me giving him stern looks whenever I saw him, then it slowly progressed to me asking him to just go around. The last time I asked him to stop he made a point to stomp extra hard and twist his feet in to the grass to piss me off. Since then Ive just been hosing him. The first time I sprayed him with the hose he ran off, but then for some reason he just started standing there while I hose him like he enjoys it. Its now progressed to me sitting on my lawn chair pointing my hose at him, and him just staring at me while he does so. Sometimes we even make small talk. Im ngl, it started off as a really bitter relationship, but Ive actually gotten to know the kid quite well, we talk for maybe 15-20 mins everyday, and he doesnt seem to mind being hosed down after sweating hard playing soccer. He comes by daily and we just shoot the shit while I hose him and he stands there for a bit. Wife told me I need to stop, even after I explained it to her she said Im making us look like childish idiots. I guess I could stop, but honestly its really funny waiting for him to come by and I see no harm in it. WIBTA?

Jonas Bergström
would I be the Asshole for telling my African American friend that she can't gatekeep my culture?
WIBTA

would I be the Asshole for telling my African American friend that she can't gatekeep my culture?

So I (F26) am of Asian decent, I won't specify which just for a little privacy. I have a very diverse group of friends, some white, a lot not. We all hang out and honestly have very few issues apart from the usual ones that friends have occasionally. The problem arose the other day where a video circulated of one of my white male friends has taken some time off work to travel through different parts of Asia. He visited my home country and while there dressed in some of our cultural clothing while attending some events. Now the clothes are very comfortable and suitable for the climate and he has continued to wear them on his journey. For context my culture gets very excited when people want to wear and use our clothing, it makes us feel appreciated, seen, and celebrated. Not only would he have had the full blessing of anyone who he met while in my country but he also would have the approval of every person on my community here. The only people who had an issue were some of my African American friends, they were "outraged on my behalf" and left some very insulting comments on his video and in our friends chat, when I clarified my culture's views and my personal ones most of them calmed down and apologised. One girl however won't stop, she calls him a colonizer, full of white privilege, and keeps assuming the right to tell him he can't wear the items despite any comments otherwise. Would I be the asshole for telling her bluntly to drop the subject and that I find her outrage and hatred more offensive than my male friend wearing the clothes?

Anya Petrova
WIBTA if I told my family that our "secret family recipe" came from the side of a can?
WIBTA

WIBTA if I told my family that our "secret family recipe" came from the side of a can?

Growing up every year around the holidays my mom would make fudge. The story was this amazing fudge recipe came from her grandma who snagged it from a famous candy maker. My mom didn't get the recipe until she was an adult and we were always told that we couldn't have it until we were 30. In my late teens my mom asked me to help make the fudge with her a few times. The recipe is very simple and this was all the exposure I needed to memorize it. I've never once needed to write the recipe down. It came out that I had the recipe early and my mom and her mom were both outraged. I was given many warnings against sharing family secrets and told they were disappointed at my sneaking around them. I've never shared the recipe with anyone besides my brother and sister. I don't have the same feelings about recipe hoarding, but I followed tradition. However even now, 15ish years later, I'll get comments about how they don't entirely trust me since I came by the recipe dishonestly. Tonight I was reading an article about a chef doing research on secret family recipes for pickled herring. He managed to get copies of hundreds of recipes-200 of them were identical. He traced them back to a cookbook from the 1960s. This got me thinking about our family recipe. After not much googling at all I found "our" exact recipe on the website for an evaporated milk company. They apparently have also printed the recipe on cans over the years. This leads me to believe that either my grandma or her mother actually got the recipe from a can and lied about it's origin. I think this is hilarious and want to share the information. We've been so secretive about a recipe that's in public domain! There's really no reason to hoard it anymore. Would I be the asshole if I shared this knowledge with my mom?

Luca Moretti
WIBTA if I quit my job, sell my share in company and retire to be a ski patroler? I would essentially leave my adult kids (18 and 22) to fend for themselves with no way to pay for college. Ex wife as well.
WIBTA

WIBTA if I quit my job, sell my share in company and retire to be a ski patroler? I would essentially leave my adult kids (18 and 22) to fend for themselves with no way to pay for college. Ex wife as well.

So years and years of backstory here. Ex wife has BPD and life with her has been a continuous struggle. We are in the middle of a divorce because while she’s lied, stolen, abused, hit, etc... she never cheated. But she crossed that line and enough was enough. Divorce is bitter and ugly. For financial reasons we had set kids college savings up with my wife as custodian. I implored kids to go to the brokerage companies to remove wife as a custodian now they were adults. The both blew me off and “yeah yeahed” me for almost a year. Ex cleaned out every penny of the accounts, probably to buy her new house. Instead of my kids even asking thier mom why, let alone taking legal action they both held their hands out to me and expected me to make up for it. Then getting mad at me when I said I had far too much on my plate to add another battle with thier mom, they had to handle it. Since there was no way to pay for school this semester, both have essentially become shut ins at home. I’ve had it because niether shows an iota of interest in thier future. On a lark I called my college roommate who is head ski patrol at a small resort in NM. He said I’m hired. I talked to my partner and he’d gladly buy my half of the business. With the 50% id have to give my ex wife I could live modest and comfortably for the rest of my life. I could spend my summers hiking, my winters working and maybe just not spend 15 hours a day at a desk working for 3 people who just see me as a wallet. Kids would be cut off. I wouldn’t be able to afford ANY help. They have avenues and legal recourse with thier mom, whether they take it is up to them. But they’d have to grow up and fast. Would I be the asshole if I do this?

Elise Dubois
WIBTA if I refuse to go to my sister's wedding because I can't bring my girlfriend as my +1?
WIBTA

WIBTA if I refuse to go to my sister's wedding because I can't bring my girlfriend as my +1?

I'm a lesbian, and I've been with my girlfriend for almost two years now. My family, including my sister, is all fine with me being gay and supportive of my relationship. However, her fiancé comes from a very regressive and religious family, and while he himself is fine, his extended family is very traditional and anti-gay. My sister gave me my invitation in person instead of mailing it, and explained that I wasn't getting a +1 because having a gay couple at the wedding would likely end up causing lots of drama with his side of the family. All my other siblings have +1s and are welcome to bring their (hetero) partners. I understand where she's coming from, but it still feels like such a slap in the face. I'm not going to try and force her to give me a +1, but I'm seriously considering not going. I love my sister, but I'm not comfortable spending a whole day alone, while my other siblings are allowed to bring their partners, just because my sister wants to cater to a bunch of bigots. I haven't said anything to anyone yet, but if I so stay home, would I be the asshole?

Anya Petrova
WIBTA if I record the audio of my neighbours having sex and play it back to them?
WIBTA

WIBTA if I record the audio of my neighbours having sex and play it back to them?

My neighbours are often super loud, blasting music at 2am, yelling, blaring the TV. I’ve gone round various times politely asking if they could be quieter. We have concrete walls and carpet, so for sound to get through they really have to be loud, which they are. They also periodically have loud sex, with the woman screeching. It’s actually turning me off sex. I find them insufferable. As petty revenge, I’m considering recording them having sex and playing it back to them through the walls whenever they’re loud, instead of going round to politely request they stfu at 3am. I feel they know I’m mild-mannered, and they’re taking advantage - that since I’m not a tough guy or something (I’m a young woman), they don’t care. I’m in Australia, and I’m pretty sure that kind of recording is legal here. WIBTA?

Elise Dubois
WIBTA for taking my friend's ex as my date to her wedding after I got kicked out of her wedding party?
WIBTA

WIBTA for taking my friend's ex as my date to her wedding after I got kicked out of her wedding party?

My friend is marrying my ex boyfriend of four years. It's been pretty awkward. I was kicked out of her wedding party because I was uncomfortable wearing a very revealing bridesmaid's gown. This wasn't that big of a deal as we're not exactly close since she got with my ex. However, she still expects me to take on all the duties of a bridesmaid. I told her that was ridiculous and that she needed to find a new bridesmaid. She then almost uninvited me from the wedding but instead decided I could go I follow a very specific set of rules (ranging from how to dress to who I could talk to). I was absolutely crushed as I was still looking forward to the wedding even if I wasn't going to be in it. I found out through a mutual friend who is still in the wedding party the bride continuously makes fun of me and talks shit about me constantly and so do several of the other bridesmaids. I was about to just not go when I ran into the bride's ex who is also invited to the wedding (He's the groom's cousin). He was also kicked out of the wedding party and was given a list of rules to follow. He and I have decided we're going to go together and have fun breaking as many rules that we can (such as wearing what we want to wear, drinking at the open bar, talking to whoever we want to, and dancing- WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO DANCE). Nothing we would do would distract from the bride's big day other than breaking the ridiculously petty rules that we're supposed to follow. We're also both at the point where we're both ready to sever ties with the bride and groom. Would we be the assholes? Sorry if this was scattered, a lot happened in the past month and her wedding is in three weeks. Thanks in advance, I'm willing to accept my judgement!

Elise Dubois
WIBTA if I back out of donating my kidney to my ex-fiancee’s brother after my ex-fiancee and I broke up?
WIBTA

WIBTA if I back out of donating my kidney to my ex-fiancee’s brother after my ex-fiancee and I broke up?

For five years I dated a girl I’ll call Mia. We got engaged last March and were supposed to get married next year, but two weeks ago I learned that our entire relationship was a lie. Someone showed me a dashcam recording of her saying that she still loves her ex and she was only with me because I’m the better choice. I confronted her, she admitted it was true, I called off the wedding and broke up with her. I’m determined to move past this as soon as possible and onto better things, the things that I should have achieved had Mia not wasted five years of my life. But there’s an issue that has me on the fence: I was supposed to donate my kidney to Mia’s brother Tom, and now I don’t know if I should do it. Tom has ESRD and needs a second kidney transplant as soon as possible because the kidney from his first transplant is failing. I’m not that close to him and I was only going to do it because I wanted to help Mia’s family in any way I could because I though they were going to be m family. But now that I know that she was just playing me the whole time, I’m having second thoughts. Organ donation is a big deal, I will literally risk my life to give part of myself to someone, and at this point I don’t want to do it for the brother of the girl who lied to me, used me and made me a fool for five years. Would I be the asshole if I back out?

Anya Petrova