AITA for breaking my promise to my stepkids, and "abandoning and traumatizing" them because I did not want to parent them anymore?
From the moment she met Will, a whirlwind of hope and love swept through her life, promising the creation of a joyful, blended family. At just 22, she stepped into a world where promises were made not only between partners but also with two young children longing for stability and affection. Their union was painted with dreams of happiness and togetherness, a new beginning forged in the wake of loss.
But the reality soon cracked the fragile veneer of their fairytale. The weight of childcare and household responsibilities fell heavily on her shoulders, despite her full-time career and Will’s repeated excuses. As he retreated into video games and neglect, the promise of a shared life dissolved into a lonely battle for balance and respect, leaving her overwhelmed and unseen in the family they vowed to build together.
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As renowned family therapist and author, Dr. Terry Real, states, 'The opposite of addiction is not sobriety; it’s connection. And the opposite of shame is not perfection; it’s wholeness.' While the OP's situation does not involve addiction, the concept of 'wholeness' is relevant. The OP initially sacrificed her wholeness—her emotional peace and autonomy—by rapidly assuming the role of primary caregiver and partner in a marriage based on unrealistic speed and expectation. The rapid introduction to the children and the inclusion of reciprocal promises at the wedding created an immediate, intense sense of obligation for the OP, which Will then exploited by shifting all domestic and childcare burdens onto her. This dynamic established a power imbalance where the OP was expected to serve while being simultaneously disrespected, leading to burnout and resentment. Her decision to leave, though painful for the stepdaughter, was a necessary act of self-liberation from an emotionally abusive and unsustainable situation. The stepdaughter’s current view frames the OP’s departure as abandonment, ignoring the toxic conditions that preceded it. The OP's action of leaving while no one was home was driven by the exhaustion of attempting to manage the conflict and her genuine realization that she could not feign love for the children. Moving forward, while the OP is not obligated to re-engage, a more effective communication strategy in future difficult situations would be to establish firm boundaries *before* leaving, rather than executing an abrupt exit, though the context here suggests communication had already failed. For the stepdaughter, seeking therapy to process the loss of the entire family structure (father, stepmother, and stability) is recommended.
THE COMMENTS SECTION WENT WILD – REDDIT HAD *A LOT* TO SAY ABOUT THIS ONE.:
The thread exploded with reactions. Whether agreeing or disagreeing, everyone had something to say — and they said it loud.
The original poster (OP) entered a rapid marriage with a widowed man, taking on significant childcare and domestic responsibilities while working full-time. When the relationship became toxic, marked by disrespect from the husband and children, the OP chose to leave abruptly due to genuine unhappiness and the inability to form a bond with the children, despite promises made during the wedding ceremony.
The central conflict lies between the OP's right to self-preservation and happiness versus the stepdaughter's perception of betrayal and the unkept promises made to the children early in the relationship. Is an informal, early promise made by a young person in a complex family structure a lifelong, unbreakable obligation, or does personal well-being supersede these commitments when the environment becomes detrimental?