AITA for purposefully sending my cousin the wrong timing for a movie so the others could enjoy?
Nate’s diagnosis of Intermittent Explosive Disorder cast a long shadow over family gatherings, turning moments that should have been filled with laughter into tense and fragile encounters. His sister watched helplessly as her cousin Kira, oblivious or indifferent to the pain her actions caused, repeatedly provoked Nate, pushing him to the edge despite the silent pleas for understanding that hung in the air.
Caught between loyalty to family and protecting her brother’s fragile peace, she felt the weight of unspoken battles and strained smiles. The fragile truce was about to be tested again as another gathering approached, where the line between patience and breaking point grew thinner with every forced invitation.
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As renowned family therapist Dr. Nedra Glover Tawwab explains, “Boundaries are about what is okay and not okay for you, and communicating that to others.” In this situation, the OP recognized that Kira consistently violated Nate’s emotional space, which is a form of aggression given his Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED). The parents' refusal to address Kira's behavior forces the OP and Nate into a position where they must create their own, albeit indirect, boundary. The OP’s motivation appears rooted in protection and loyalty toward Nate, especially since the parents failed to intervene effectively. Giving the wrong time was a direct intervention designed to prevent Nate from being triggered, which aligns with prioritizing his known vulnerability. However, the execution—leaving Kira waiting and causing her distress—was an aggressive, albeit coordinated, response that escalated the conflict rather than diffusing it long-term. This action, while perhaps understandable given the circumstances, bypasses mature communication and forces the consequence onto Kira. The OP’s action was an understandable, but ultimately immature, defensive maneuver. A more constructive approach would involve clear, firm communication directed at the parents about the necessity of enforcing boundaries on Kira, perhaps by stating that Nate cannot attend gatherings where Kira is present unless her provocative behavior ceases. If the parents refuse to act, the OP should limit Nate’s exposure to Kira rather than resorting to trickery, which damages trust within the immediate family unit.
REDDIT USERS WERE STUNNED – YOU WON’T BELIEVE SOME OF THESE REACTIONS.:
It didn’t take long before the comment section turned into a battleground of strong opinions and even stronger emotions.
The original poster (OP) acted to protect their brother, Nate, from known emotional provocation by their cousin, Kira, resulting in the OP and Nate being punished by their parents. The central conflict involves the OP's attempt to set a boundary for Nate's emotional well-being against their parents' desire to maintain peace with the extended family, despite Kira's ongoing harmful behavior.
Was the OP justified in deceiving Kira to prevent a conflict that would harm their brother, or did this action cross a line by deliberately humiliating a family member and causing distress to their parents? Should the focus remain on protecting Nate's mental health, or on upholding family unity and honesty?