WIBTA if I back out of donating my kidney to my ex-fiancee’s brother after my ex-fiancee and I broke up?
For five years, he believed in a love that was never truly his. Engaged and hopeful, his world shattered when a hidden truth revealed that Mia’s heart belonged to another all along. The betrayal cut deep, unraveling years of dreams threaded into their future together.
Now he stands at a crossroads, grappling with a decision that tests his compa*sion and resolve. With Mia’s brother Tom’s life hanging in the balance, the choice to donate a kidney becomes more than just an act of generosity—it’s a powerful testament to whether he can rise above heartbreak and redefine what family really means.
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As renowned bioethicist Arthur Caplan explains, “Informed consent, particularly for living organ donation, must be entirely voluntary and free from coercion or undue emotional pressure; this consent can be withdrawn at any time, for any reason, before the procedure.” The situation presents a profound conflict between personal integrity, emotional recovery, and a significant altruistic commitment. The poster was motivated to donate based on the perceived future relationship with Mia's family; this foundation has been completely invalidated by Mia's admission of using the poster. Psychologically, continuing with the donation now requires the poster to perform a major physical sacrifice for individuals connected to the source of their pain, which can impede healing and create long-term resentment. From an ethical standpoint regarding organ donation, consent is revocable. The poster has every right to withdraw, as the prerequisite emotional context for the gift—the belief in a future family unit—no longer exists. The poster’s actions in ending the relationship were appropriate given the severe breach of trust. While the need of Tom (the brother) is critical, forcing the poster to proceed with a major, life-altering surgery under these circumstances would violate the principle of respecting personal autonomy and bodily integrity. The constructive path forward is clear: the poster should formally and immediately notify the transplant coordinator of their decision to withdraw consent, prioritizing their own physical safety and emotional recovery.
HERE’S HOW REDDIT BLEW UP AFTER HEARING THIS – PEOPLE COULDN’T BELIEVE IT.:
The internet jumped in fast, delivering everything from kind advice to cold truth. It’s a mix of empathy, outrage, and no-nonsense takes.
The original poster is experiencing significant emotional turmoil after discovering their fiancée's deception, leading to a justifiable desire to withdraw from all commitments tied to that relationship, including a planned organ donation.
Given the betrayal and the magnitude of the medical commitment, is the poster justified in withdrawing consent for the kidney donation to their ex-fiancée's brother, or does the life-or-death need of the recipient outweigh the emotional context of the broken engagement?