AITA for not wanting my kids every weekend?
In the quiet rhythm of shared custody, a mother and father have woven a delicate balance around their children’s lives, navigating the complexities of divorce with a steadfast commitment to their kids. For five years, their 2-2-3 schedule has been the backbone of stability, allowing moments of togetherness and separation to coexist in harmony, even amidst the demands of a nurse’s unpredictable shifts.
But now, a new chapter stirs from the innocent voices of their children, yearning for individual attention and connection. The proposal to split weekends, with one child visiting each parent, challenges the familiar routine yet promises a deeper bond, a chance to nurture their spirits one-on-one, even as life’s demands pull them in different directions. It is a poignant testament to love’s evolving shape in the face of change.
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As renowned family therapist and researcher Dr. Christine Allen states, “In post-divorce co-parenting, the goal shifts from pleasing everyone to establishing clear, sustainable boundaries that serve the functional needs of the entire family unit, including the parents’ capacity to parent effectively.” The OP’s resistance stems from a justifiable need to protect the personal time she has built as a necessary coping mechanism and personal fulfillment structure post-divorce. Her established schedule allows her to manage the demands of nursing while ensuring her non-working weekends are restorative. The children’s request, while motivated by a desire for quality one-on-one time and reduced sibling conflict, directly challenges the OP’s established adult autonomy. The family's reaction suggests a misunderstanding of the emotional labor involved in co-parenting and the legitimate need for post-divorce decompression time, framing her boundary setting as 'selfishness.' The ex-husband’s immediate agreement highlights a potential difference in how the parents value their non-custodial time, which is common but needs careful navigation to avoid one parent feeling penalized. The OP’s actions in wanting to maintain her schedule are appropriate given the stability the current system provides and her career demands. However, completely dismissing the children's request may lead to resentment. A constructive recommendation is to explore a compromise: perhaps implementing the split schedule only during certain, less travel-intensive times of the year (e.g., during school months) or limiting the split to only one weekend per month, thus preserving the majority of her free weekends while still validating the children's stated needs.
REDDIT USERS WERE STUNNED – YOU WON’T BELIEVE SOME OF THESE REACTIONS.:
The community had thoughts — lots of them. From tough love to thoughtful advice, the comment section didn’t disappoint.
The original poster (OP) is facing pressure from her family to change the established 2-2-3 custody schedule to accommodate the children's request for separate weekend time with each parent. Her primary conflict is between honoring what appears to be a beneficial arrangement for the children (one-on-one time, reduced sibling friction) and preserving her highly valued, established child-free weekends dedicated to personal activities and travel.
Should the OP prioritize maintaining her dedicated personal time and established freedom by declining the proposed weekend split, or is she obligated to adapt her personal schedule to facilitate the children's desire for more individual time with each parent, even if it means sacrificing her treasured child-free weekends?